To live your life you've got to lose it
And all the losers get a crown
(Here is a link to the song if you want to hear the whole thing: http://youtu.be/xnggiwaLqH0)
Lately, I have been down. Maybe it is because warmer weather and sun are not here yet. Maybe it is still a little bit of Seasonal Affective Disorder. I think this time, I am still grieving from leaving my old job of 18 years. It has been about year and I miss the day to day routine. I miss the consistency of the people I worked with each day. I miss the stability of knowing what my paycheck was each week. I miss the opportunities I had like travel and being asked to speak or train at conferences. I miss knowing I was good at what I did.
Last night I was doing some research for a sermon I am giving this month. The topic is camping so I was reading Numbers 9:15-23 and an analysis I did for my Hebrew Bible class. The Israelites were about a year into the desert and wanted to go back to Egypt. They wanted to go back to what they knew - even though they were slaves and weren't treated well. Going forward was scary. Going forward though led to the Promised Land. They still complained about the food, the water, the travel and probably many other things. That is what I have been doing lately, complaining about what I miss - the schedule, the stability, the travel - even though I was stressed beyond belief and was asked to do things I wasn't comfortable with.
I need to look forward. I need to follow the cloud and pillar God has placed before me. I need to remember there is a reason I am on this path - even though I don't understand it all the time and I need to remember God will provide. I am sure I will still complain :-), but I need to move forward and not look backwards thinking that Egypt was better when I know in my heart it wasn't.
When I get down - He lifts me up!
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