Staring at a blank screen

I have been looking at this blank screen for a few minutes now, not sure what to write. I think part of my problem today coming up with a topic has to do with the title of this blog and what's going on in my day to day life. The blog is called "What's Up at Camp Tamarack" and my day to day life has a lot more going on.

For camp, we are still working on finalizing cabin leaders. I am not sure what history is in obtaining cabin leaders and if there has ever been a summer where everything has been lined up and there have been no last minute pleas or scrambles to get everything set. I remember a few summers where on a Saturday night my Grandpa Epps would tell me I was packing a bag and heading to camp to be a cabin leader. Well, first you don't argue with Grandpa and second, why wouldn't I want to go to camp. I think I need to find a better way to ask people (or rather tell people :-) ) they are coming to camp to help.

The mini-mission weekend is coming up so Mark and Deb are prepping for the physical "opening" of camp and getting things organized.

I am weaning myself off of TV and starting a book list. I won't have a class this summer so will have some fun reading time.

Kim has started a list for our first food order.

Camp staff are getting packed and ready to head up to start work in June.

I am packing or at least thinking of what to pack and I realize I am leaving my husband and daughter again for the summer. Now we do have plans to stay connected, but that ties to other things happening in my life. I am preaching this Sunday on Solitude and have been giving a lot of thought to being alone and lonely vs solitude. Sometimes even when there is a busy and full camp, I am lonely. I miss my home and my husband. Sometimes though I find solitude in the kayak or sitting at Vespers. I know I need to do a lot more thinking/research/praying before the sermon is ready, but I am wondering where you find solitude and how you differentiate between being alone vs lonely?

Shalom

This is really about that

When I arrived at the office this morning I found a stack of registrations waiting to be entered into the database and have confirmation letters sent back to campers. It was a pretty cool site to see.

I will let you in on a secret, before the camping seasons and the Winter Youth Retreats last year and this year I was afraid not one person would sign up. I know that is just plain silly, but it was a real fear that went through my brain - more than once. It is also a selfish fear. You see, sometimes I have a tendency for things to be about me. About my need for approval as the new Director of Camping Ministries, my need to make sure things are just right and my need for success.

Camp is not about me, camp is about a space where God can work in people's lives in whatever way that needs to happen. Where I do fit in to God's plan is to help make that successful and safe.

One thing I have learned (out of many things) so far in my tenure in this role is that the way one person experiences God is not the same way someone else does or needs to.

There is a book I read where the author looks at the Bible and breaks down some of the themes and stories. What was interesting was he pointed out that most of the time what we think is the initial message is really about something else if you understand the wording or history behind it. I am finding that same pattern in my interactions with family, friends, co-workers. What starts off as one topic really turns in to another. We just have to take the time to get there and follow the clues.

Is there something you are worried about or angry about? Is the issue really that topic or is there something else?

Getting closer!!

It does not seem like a year ago I was getting ready to move up to camp for my first year as Director of Camping Ministries! It was! In a little over I month I will pack up all my camp clothes, my stuff to survive and my kayak and head back up to Tamarack for my extended stay.

I am looking forward to working with everyone again.

What's Up at Camp Tamarack right now?
*Entering in all the registrations and sending back the confirmation letters.
*Trying to design and order new t-shirts and sweatshirts.
*Ordering canteen/craft barn supplies.
*The big one is lining up all the volunteers that we need for this to be a success! I am sending out a flier to all the Baptist churches in the area to help recruit, but I also wanted to post this here. If you know anyone that would be a great cabin leader please send them my why. We do want camp to be a success and there are many factors that go in to getting leaders set up. For example, the commission and I have come up with some guidelines:

For Primary, Middler and Junior camps, anyone in High School or older may volunteer to help.

For Junior High we would like leaders that have been out of High School for at least a year.

For Senior High we would like leaders that are 21 and older. 

There are exceptions and it is up to the weekly Directors to decide if someone is a good fit.

Our Jr. High and Sr. High camps are short on cabin leaders so let your family and friends know!

We also had some excitement on our farm last weekend and I leave you with a picture of our new litter of baby kitties to celebrate spring!

Sometimes I get down

Some lyrics from "Get Down" by Audio Adrenaline - 
To live your life you've got to lose it
And all the losers get a crown

(Here is a link to the song if you want to hear the whole thing: http://youtu.be/xnggiwaLqH0)

Lately, I have been down. Maybe it is because warmer weather and sun are not here yet. Maybe it is still a little bit of Seasonal Affective Disorder. I think this time, I am still grieving from leaving my old job of 18 years. It has been about year and I miss the day to day routine. I miss the consistency of the people I worked with each day. I miss the stability of knowing what my paycheck was each week. I miss the opportunities I had like travel and being asked to speak or train at conferences. I miss knowing I was good at what I did. 

Last night I was doing some research for a sermon I am giving this month. The topic is camping so I was reading Numbers 9:15-23 and an analysis I did for my Hebrew Bible class. The Israelites were about a year into the desert and wanted to go back to Egypt. They wanted to go back to what they knew - even though they were slaves and weren't treated well. Going forward was scary. Going forward though led to the Promised Land. They still complained about the food, the water, the travel and probably many other things. That is what I have been doing lately, complaining about what I miss - the schedule, the stability, the travel - even though I was stressed beyond belief and was asked to do things I wasn't comfortable with. 

I need to look forward. I need to follow the cloud and pillar God has placed before me. I need to remember there is a reason I am on this path - even though I don't understand it all the time and I need to remember God will provide. I am sure I will still complain :-), but I need to move forward and not look backwards thinking that Egypt was better when I know in my heart it wasn't.

When I get down - He lifts me up! 

Labyrinth walk

Part of what I love about camp is learning different traditions that each church celebrates or how people find meaning in different ways. I have had discussions about baptism, praise bands, how Vacation Bible School is run, youth group events, music in general, holiday services, lent traditions and I am sure other topics I am forgetting about.

This past weekend, I was part of a confirmation celebration. Using previous schedules, I was responsible for planning what we would do Friday night and Saturday morning. I have been part of confirmation classes before, but we had never taken time away to "wrap things up". I have to say it was a pretty cool experience talking with the three young people about their faith, what they believe, and what they see as their spiritual gifts.

We spent the night at The Pilgrim Center - a camp run by the UCC denomination in Green Lake. It was a great opportunity to see how things are done at a different camp as well. We only ate breakfast there, but for those of you that may be older....they still serve meals family style and we had to set up our own tables as "hop" and "skip".  The lodge we stayed in was a lot like Basile.

One of the special things this camp has is an indoor and outdoor labyrinth. Since we do live in Wisconsin, we needed to use the indoor labyrinth:

As we walked in to the labyrinth, we took a deep breath, said a prayer and slowly started walking the path.
There is no right or wrong way to walk a labyrinth and the 5 of us that walked it Friday night had 5 different experiences. For me, I thought I had something I wanted to contemplate....God had a different idea.
It took us about 45 min to an hour to walk the path in towards the center and then back out. It was actually the quietest I had ever heard this group :-)

I know we don't have a labyrinth at Camp Tamarack (yet :-P ), but we do have great trails to walk and I would encourage you to do a prayer walk. Prepare your heart and mind to be open to what God has to say, stop and pray or just listen when you feel the need. Each experience for each person is different so don't go in to it expecting something, just be open to what happens.

I would love to hear if anyone has a labyrinth experience they would like to share or if you want to share a tradition that is special to you and your church.

I am soooo ready for spring!

Lord, you are my shield, my glory, and my only hope. You alone can lift my head. Psalm 3:3

I am a scientist at heart. I like it when things are black and white and there is an answer. I like it when we can replicate an experiment and come up with the same answer. When there is something wrong with my donkey, I like it when I can make a diagnosis and fix it or figure out the behavior.

Life does not always fit in to a to do list or a standard operating procedure. People, including me, don't always do what they are supposed to. There are thoughts, feelings, emotions, opinions and rubbish that aren't always nice and neat.

Being that I am a scientist, I like data. I have been collecting data on myself for the past 6-7 years on my behavior during he winter months. I am pretty sure I have Seasonal Affective Disorder or SAD. Even though I know I build up to this every winter, I still end up feeling very down. This year I tried spending more time outside with my animals each day, worked out as much as I could and kept busy with my jobs and coaching basketball. It helped and postponed the symptoms, but eventually I just get down. It isn't a major down, just enough to derail me and get me off track. That was last week and the low hit on Friday when I couldn't figure out how to work the Sonos so I didn't clean and really didn't do much of anything.

I think our faith goes through seasons. Not the church seasons of Advent, Lent, Epiphany and so on, but how we feel about God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. I have had some pretty significant life events that I had to deal with and I would think I was doing fine until the "Friday" came, the low period and I would just have to give it to God. I mean, really and truly just give it to God to handle. Not give part of it to God and still work on it in my spare time to fix it, but hand it all over and realize it was out of my control.

That is where Psalm 3:3 comes in. The Lord can lift my head, and does, when I am down and need help. I need to get better at realizing it sooner and turning it over. That doesn't mean I crawl under the covers and stay there. It means I look to God each day to help me understand or maybe just help me take the next step and then the next one and so on until that season has passed.

Is there something you need to give to God? Is there something that just doesn't make scientific/logical sense, but you have to deal with it? There is a part of the Lord's prayer I repeat when I just don't understand or need help - "Thy will be done". Thy will, not my will.

Sometimes I get angry

Ecclesiastes 7:9 Be not quick in your spirit to become angry, for anger lodges in the bosom of fools.


Sometimes I get angry with my husband.
Sometimes I get angry with co-workers.
Sometimes I get angry with people who don't know how to drive.
Lots of times I get angry with inanimate objects.
Mostly I get angry with myself, but sometimes I do get angry with God.

I have always believed that God is big enough and can take it. I still believe that.
Last week I was talking with my daughter about an after school activity and what she was going to do. I used sarcasm. Maybe a little too much sarcasm. She turned away and pretended to read her book when really she was sobbing. 
I felt horrible. It wasn't anything that important. It wasn't worth crying over. She had every right to be mad at me. We then had a thirty minute conversation and it was wonderful, plus we figured out what she was going to do with the after school activity.

As the parent I could take her anger and shape it into something good even though I caused the pain.
I don't think God intends to cause us pain and make us angry, I think that is our human nature. I do think God uses those times in our lives to have a conversation with us and figure out what we are going to do.

God is having conversations with me right now. I am listening. I don't always like what I hear. Sometimes I don't know if I can do what He is asking of me, but I am almost at a place where I am willing to try.

Is God looking to have a conversation with you? Are you ready and willing to listen? Are you ready and willing to take action?

“Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be, since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be.” ~ Thomas A’ Kempis